Playing with Silence. Part 3. The Listener.
In the first two parts of this series I mused upon the the empty spaces in music and how we might become more relaxed, less busy and present when we play. I also touched on something that I’d like to expand upon here: your audience. You’ll often hear pro musicians proudly defend themselves from the perceived demands and preferences of their listeners: “hey…they can dig my stuff or not. I’m just going to do my thing.” Or: “I don’t care what people think. If you pander to the crowd you’re selling out and weakening your ‘sound.’” The other end of the spectrum concerns all musicians but especially beginners who might just get shy and nervous that their audience – even if it’s just a boyfriend or mother – is judgmental and hearing every little mistake. I think in either case, it can feel as if the listener is trying to infiltrate your brain; that they are somehow this hostile, alien force that can see your every weakness. So of course you must brace yourself and stay strong against the enemy. You must do nothing of the sort. I’m not saying to pander nor to never be nervous. Perhaps just consider the listener in a gentler way.
“I just set out to write what I felt as honestly as I could, and I am delighted when other people feel a part of themselves in the music.”
Leonard Cohen
I, of all people know that it’s hard not to be too self-referential when you are the creative type. We can be so brutal with ourselves. Then, by extension, we imagine that the audience is out to be equally rough with us. But here’s another way to look at it: it’s not all about you. Mighty singer and picker Tim O’Brien once said something that really stuck with me. Something like: “music is just a way to give people a little time to be quiet and think about things that are important in life.” They are going through their own stuff. The neighbor that your mother wants you to perform for? His sister just died. That burly tattooed guy off on stage right with the seemingly evil frown? He’s going through a tough breakup. That couple in the back has a newborn baby and it’s their first night out on town after a month of no sleep. They are tired and vulnerable as hell and just want to hear a sweet melody and make out.
“Until I realized that music was my connection to the rest of the human race, I felt like I was dying…and I didn’t know why.” The Boss
So here’s where “practicing the spaces” comes into the picture. Next time you play, imagine that your song or instrumental is a conversation wherein you are leaving lots of room for your listeners to emotionally or mentally digest what is happening. This gives them room to make the connection between how you felt it and the way they might feel it. Throw them a lifeline. Imagine that we as musicians are providing a container; a place for them to have an experience, not the other way around. When I perform, I like to think that they aren’t coming out to hear me, I’m coming out of my cave and my shell to bring music to them. It may seem obvious, but so many musicians approach their art from a “taking” stance rather than from a spirit of giving. You are giving them a unconditional gift. Ok…maybe there’s a modest cover charge, beer or some coffee cake involved. But this is how to call in the good stuff. Extra bonus: it will help take the heat off of you. Then, not just the songs, but everything you do, will take on more a more confident, generous and patient feel.
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